Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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