I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
