Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
