whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
