you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Life without a bra equals bliss.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
