EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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