so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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