Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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