why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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