I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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