Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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