Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
