dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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