Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I want her autograph on my taint
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
