Can Purell be used as lube?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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