OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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