If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
