Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
