Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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