Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
