Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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