she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
