You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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