yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
