i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
