So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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