also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You are the jesus of drinking
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
