Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
In America we eat man semen.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
