just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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