Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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