dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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