I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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