living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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