just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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