is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
