Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
