Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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