i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
