your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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