This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize