I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
