we have pet lesbian snakes
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
