why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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