He is such a slut. More and more my type.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
