Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
