you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
