I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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