If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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