i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Drunk is a universal language darling
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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