If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
