he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
