I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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