Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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