I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
