Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
