i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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