Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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