I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
