Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
