I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
