Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
