she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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