so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
