70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
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Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
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Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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