we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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