i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
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I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
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Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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