Small penises have feelings too.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
